Obscure Karaoke Adventures at Chopsticks Express II in Portland

So last weekend, as I sometimes am wont to do, I went with some friends to do karaoke at Chopsticks II Express here in Portland, Oregon.

My biggest karaoke weakness, besides the fact that I tend to sing out of my range, is that I don't vary my songs too much. You can always count on obscure 80's, Michael Jackson imitations, or William Shatner imitations if I am going to do a song.

Not too long ago, I did Elton John's Rocket Man in the style of William Shatner. It went on pretty well, all things considered-- some people were singing along with the song, not aware I was doing Shatner, but 6 or so people caught on and the ones that enjoyed it seemed to really enjoy it.

Last weekend was a disaster of Shatner proportions. A few years ago William Shatner released his second album, Has Been. The best track from it was a cover of British synth-pop band Pulp's Common People. Common People is an obscure song to begin with and my attempt at doing homage to Shatner's cover of it went down like a lead baloon. The few people that did know the song were glaring at me, shouting at me to "sing it correctly."

I stumbled back to the table, defeated. A friend of a friend gave me a cursory look. "What a weirdo," she said.

What a weirdo, indeed. Wouldn't have it any other way.

Chopsticks Express II

Joel Siegel, 63, Dies

Famed film critic Joel Siegel died June 29th of complications from colon cancer. I've never seen a Joel Siegel review, but have read his cheesy one-line reviews of films which were rather groan-worthy.

At my college graduation ceremony, Joel Siegel was there to give a speech. There were several odd things about this. One is that he was offered an honorary doctorate when my college didn't offer doctorates to begin with. Another is that he gave a smart-ass negative speech which wasn't really appropriate for an audience of collegiate students ready to move on to their next phase in life.

This is more or less what Siegel said: "It is often said that college is the best time of your life. So it's all gonna be downhill from here."

I realize that Siegel was speaking in a sarcastic tone, but was still somewhat offended as his remarks and found them rather crass. I'm sad that he's dead, but won't forget him for making a college graduation ceremony memorable in a not so good way.

Joel Siegel, 63, Movie Critic Who Instructed and Amused, Dies -- NY Times

Buffy Musical Rocks Portland's Casbah

OK, so late last night I went with some friends to see a touring theatrical screening of the musical episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Once More With Feeling." They gave out props and everything, making it like a slightly more organized version of seeing Rocky Horror Picture Show in a theatre.

Although I've seen only all of Season One and a smattering of other random episodes, I was very familiar with this musical episode. It was really nice that they had a short pre-show program, but some of it was not needed, particularly a schmaltzy YouTube music video focused on Buffy's mother.

Low point of the evening had to be an annoying guy in the audience with a loud, raspy laugh who "Har, har, harred" his way through any joke, no matter how bad. Buffy can be funny, but if you laugh at every single line in such a horrid manner, you're just trying to focus attention on yourself.

Buffy Musical on the Big Screen

Robocop Dark Justice Not Bad TV Take

I just finished watching Robocop: Dark Justice, the first part of a four-part made for TV miniseries, Robocop: Prime Directives.

It's not bad, but its TV budget shows. Dark Justice has a lot of flashbacks of Alex Murphy in his pre-Robocop phase, which feels like a cheap police procedural drama from TV. The plot has a lot of setup with a nice pay-off in the end and has a villain that it delightfully comic-bookish in an over the top fashion.

Oddly enough, the best part of it managed to be the snarky news segments which are hilarious yet accurate in their portrayal of a CNN-style station. Every brief clip is over-run with stock quotes, text advertisements, and lasts no more than 15 seconds.

It ends on a cliff-hanger, so I'll rent the second part, Robocop: Meltdown, to see if it improves at all. I'm hoping for a little bit more Robo-action next time around.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End a Nice Conclusion to Johnny Depp's Wild Piratey Adventures

After watching Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, I have to admit that it's much better than the 2nd film, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. It has more piratey stuff going on, but still remains a somewhat bloated film with an ending that sets things for for a 4th installment in a cheap way.

***SPOILER ALERT***

One thing the flick does well is hold off reintroducing Captain Jack Sparrow, which makes his surreal intro all the more satisfying. The range of environments this time around is a lot more visually appealing, from the run-down Chinese pirate hideouts to the chaotic finale at sea. Hans Zimmer does a more varied job with the score, making something interesting instead of jamming leitmotifs of "He's a Pirate" in every other scene.

What's not so hot? Orlando Bloom and Kiera Knightley are a bit of a bore, their waifish features failing in their attempt to distract from their lifeless line readings. The whole Calypso subplot is built up to a crabby end that seems kind of cheap and there are a few too many double-crosses in the plot. Late in the movie they introduce a concept of different Pirate Lords from different countries, which is interesting, but nothing is ever done with it. A movie dealing with Zulu African Warlord Pirates fighting against Mexican Pirates would have been something different at least than fighting against the evil squid beasties.

Still, Pirates 3 is much better than Spider-Man 3 and worth it for fans of the franchise.

Will Johnny Depp Suck Pirate Ass At World's End?

So we are only a few days away from the release of the third flick in the popular series, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. Will it be as good as the original or be bloated like Dead Man's Chest?

I'm not sure since the movie isn't out yet, but judging from the trailer the plot seems a bit more interesting involving worldwide piratey undead action. Johnny Depp should be as entertaining as Orlando Bloom is bland, so it will be amusing to say the least.

One thing the first two Pirate movies did which was annoying is how the real plot didn't start until almost an hour into the movie! The first flick spends a long time introducing characters before launching into the zombie ghosty skeleton pirate bits and Dead Man's Chest is even worse, taking a long Monkey Island style foray into cannibal jokes before starting the quest proper.

With movie prices rising ($7.50 for a matinee?), I don't mind that mainstreamy movies are longer. What I do mind is how they feel bloated. There's nothing wrong with an efficient movie that moves along at a good clip. You could take 20 minutes out of most long action epics that come out now and the movie would be better for it.

Or you could take 90 minutes out of Spider-Man 3 and the movie would be better for it, but that's a whole other story...

Paris Hilton Should Rot in Cell

According to the LA Times, Paris Hilton will spend at least 23 days in jail for violating her probation by driving with a suspended license. She was originally sentenced for 45 days.

Will she get scooted out of the jail for overcrowding, as Michelle Rodriguez did not so long ago? Will she be able to appeal before she has to start her time in jail? Time will tell.

I do think jail time will be good for Paris. She can actually face a serious, if truncated, consequence for her actions and maybe end up acting less like a twit as a result.

The only reason I'm writing about this is because I accidentally got a gift subscription to Us Weekly, a magazine of such dubious quality that it makes People look like the New Yorker. I originally was meant to get a subscription to Premiere, which promptly went out of business. By default, the subscription flip-flopped over to Us Weekly. While I'm not happy about this, a free magazine is a free magazine and Paris is plasted over the pages as of late.

A pretty decent magazine I check out every once in a while is Empire, a British movie magazine packed with good writing and odd features. They recently had an article where two staff writers stayed up for two whole days doing nothing but watching Bond films. They do cost $10 an issue, which is pricey for a movie magazine, but at least each issue is of a reasonable length (~170 pages) and is printed on glossy paper.

Paris Hilton to Spend at least 23 days in Jail -- LA Times